buzzydr

hr ni farah and i went to ward 5A just terjah any patient to learn neuro… and we managed to get this nice cerebral palsy patient who was very kind enough to layan us… from him i learned more about life… i told myself that one fine day i would be one of the palliative team member and help those people like him and at least until his extend… this guys is superb dude… he could transfer himself to the wheel chair within few minutes less than 2 minutes…however i dont have any idea how well he could look after his personal hygiene because i only spend a few minutes with this guy…

indirectly he also taught me bout love… about why we should share love to those who need it so much… those who would sell their soul for love… those who begging for love…. sedangkan kite yang ada mak bapak ni… always ignore about their existence.. lawan cakap… sedangkan kat luar tu ramai lagi yang tak berpeluang to call a woman with the word mommy, mama, mak, ibu… because they never have one…

guys… love ur parents… and huzaifah… study hard… grad cepat2 blh jadi orthopaedician or palliative care…

fuh habis gak exam posting ni…. serius… this one is the toughest exam that i ever had before…. today i got a 41 year old lady para 4 last delivered 8/2, history of acute decompensate pulmonary oedema due to heart failure after pueperium, was been treated, got cva in the ward and currently on warfarin… admitted due to vagina bleeding… kuang kuang kuang…. aduh…. diagnosis…? hypocoagulation state due to warfarin ingestion, normal menses and lastly to rule malignancy and dysfunctional uterine bleeding… pelepum pelepang pelepeng… hahahhaah additional disaster from that extravanganza case?  yup my examiner was not datuk siva, but our lovely dr sulaiha….  gosh when i got the case i was a little bit takut but not damn takut… as dr sheila said that datuk siva will come at 2 o’clock, so i know that i have time to read inside out about the warfarin thinging…. so i helped calvin, being his chaperone, and when i wanted to restart my clerking, tub tub dr sulaiha came and said u have 5 minutes more to clerk… i liked huh? but i supposed to be under datuk siva… i like gosh helped me… luckily dr sulaiha gave me another 10 minutes, mayb calvin told her that he borrowed me to be his chaperone… but since i knew that she would be my examiner… my heart beating like 110 beat per minutes… muy brain shut down… and i just finished my physical examination as much that i can… and i could remember….

tada at last it was my turn…. gosh… it was damnly terrified… at first i still could give reasons but after she asked more and more and more i like gosh am i digging my own grave or what…

her question? first of all she asked me why do u think that this woman has thromboembolism…? kuang kuang kuang… my answered… one most stupid answer dvt… however this patient had cva due to heart embolism not lung maa so that kira i started to dig my grave… but i cover it up… i said i also wanna rule out artrial fibrillation …. maybe due to hyperthyroidism… and i said i confirm it by physical examination which no sign of hyperthyroidism… so lastly i said maybe she has already heart valve disorder like rheumatic as she origines from indon maaa… untill then br she asked me something else… through the exam it liked i dig my grave deeper and crawl out sometime and sometime dig again and it continuous…

conclusion….

1… i should be more calm next time.. so then i can rearrange my presentation… thing about differential diagnose… thing about management and lastly thing about the outcome…however today i was damnly over stress my self i couldnt even think how to present my case or how to organize it.. that was really2 a disaster… i took a lot of time to reorganize which ultimately i forgot to prepare my management… so my management including investigation is upside down

secondly.. i find that the knowledge is in my brain just i have to think and think and think., put it in the correct manner and speak it .. i feel blessed to get dr sulaiha as my examiner… otherwise i dont know that i m not that stupid… it is there.. just need time to think and dont talk before think… answering a question is not for the sake of answering and if kena kenalah if not die… but answering is an effort make to relate all the knowledge and experience that we have an apply it to that patient…seriously i realy supprised how most of the question i could answer…  n i also find that personally i should think my answer firsr before i answer…

yesterday when i personally met her i still didnt understand what her comment to my performance… but today, i got an example what i m supposed to do and whAT i should not do… the very2 obvious she said i always talk before think..  i always think that i have an advantage in languistic where my idea can come just like that… so that make me think that i can do the same in medic…. but it is not like that… i should learn to think properly… as this is a fact not a fiction…

before we dissmised she said that first i did quite  well by reasoning, explaining but after that i become back to square one… my opinion..? i didnt think the second part that she asked so mulalah mengelabah and melalut… hehehehehe…. so , relax and think… heheheh

what is in my head at this moment…? instead of suicidal attempt i have something which is more interesting and can give long lasting satisfaction…. yup…. confront to some1 who always think that she or he is angelic, and always right… everything in this world happen is becoz of others… people must treat her or him superiorly… and yup i m always the victim…. i always wonder why there are milion or trilion people in this earth y should i meet her or him…

may i ask u something… if u do something bad when u were a child… like throwed tantrum… disobeyed ur parent or maybe talked with them in inappropiate tone or language… did they scold u or tell u what u did is wrong…. and u shouldnt talk in that manner or etc… u know what i learnt my lesson in a tough manner… there was no such thing anak bongsu in my family context…. first my parents would bebel first… usually i never gave it a damn… i told u right that i was very2 bad when i was small… yup i wasnt an angel of my parents’ heart… (jauh panggang) so, when first advice really been ignored by my rebellious behavior there was no second chance… yup my mom would cubit me… slapped my mouth if i said word like babi… bastard, or etc… or even cili my mouth….. my mom never slap me on my face la… of course not my cheek fault, or canned me on my buttock (my buttock cannot talk maa)…. people might think that my mom is too harsh in teaching me… but at least i learned from my mistake… and i rare2ly said all that word except… shit… itupun after i join imu… conclusion? this punishment teach me how to act… how to be in a community… is it a good manner or not… if ur parents just follow ur bontot… doesnt mean u r right… mayb they dont want to cause more trouble with u as mayb everytime they adviced u, u raised ur voice or u slammmed the door in front of them……

if u gaduh with ur siblings… tarik rambut each other (i missed this part a lot) or quirreled 24/7… what did ur parents do… ok if u r the only child… change the context to ur fren instead of siblings…. here i learned the word tolerate…. learned to say never mind let her win eventhough i m the younger one… (otherwise kena marah maa)… at first when my mom scolded me when i kept on gaduh with my sisters i always thought did my mom hate me so much? but when i grow up i know that my mom wanna me to learn the word of mengalah… heck most of the time my eldest sister alwasy mengalah with me…. however i think my mom suppose to teach me word of there is limitation for all menagalah context

i think this is second time i talk about this lame thing…. i dont know why… maybe i miss my mom and my dad…  i thought they were very fierce and strict… but i think becoz of that, make me where i stand now…

i learn a lot in my life… how to be a friend and how to make a friend… u cannot force others to like u love u… maybe people out there accept u how u act as they never know what is the real u.people always have two split personality…. have u ever ask ur parent how bad or how good are u… i never have to ask… y? sbb they tell me directly…. that my parents… when i said something bout others… my mom would say… u mayb also did something wrong… so i know… i cannot always right….

mom and dad out there…. pamperign ur child is not a good or perfect way of teaching… as they did not learn anything