buzzydr

i already move to another blog.. same name buzzydr.. but at blogger..heheheh

batu pahat.. here i m,tp the life kat sini mmg suck habis.lagi2 bila korang kat O&G.eventhough the day session korang free tak banyak bender nak buat.tp time malam korang will change to an owl.the on-call 7 to 5 really challenge my body system….

at night students nurse weren’t there to help u so basically everything is on ur own.so honestly all these made me having nightmare everytime i closed my eye.it seemed like i have been trapped in the delivery suite forever….maybe because i m not really enjoying with what i did… everything i did is not for ALLAH but to pleaase other people… imagine everytime i closed my eyes, i would dream that the staff nurse scold me… that’s not right this not perfect bla bla bla….  even in my dream i dreamt that i forgot to count the contraction n bla bla bla… ultimately, i didnt have enough sleep which make my eyes doubled its’ eye bags…… really pethatic….

hr ni farah and i went to ward 5A just terjah any patient to learn neuro… and we managed to get this nice cerebral palsy patient who was very kind enough to layan us… from him i learned more about life… i told myself that one fine day i would be one of the palliative team member and help those people like him and at least until his extend… this guys is superb dude… he could transfer himself to the wheel chair within few minutes less than 2 minutes…however i dont have any idea how well he could look after his personal hygiene because i only spend a few minutes with this guy…

indirectly he also taught me bout love… about why we should share love to those who need it so much… those who would sell their soul for love… those who begging for love…. sedangkan kite yang ada mak bapak ni… always ignore about their existence.. lawan cakap… sedangkan kat luar tu ramai lagi yang tak berpeluang to call a woman with the word mommy, mama, mak, ibu… because they never have one…

guys… love ur parents… and huzaifah… study hard… grad cepat2 blh jadi orthopaedician or palliative care…

fuh habis gak exam posting ni…. serius… this one is the toughest exam that i ever had before…. today i got a 41 year old lady para 4 last delivered 8/2, history of acute decompensate pulmonary oedema due to heart failure after pueperium, was been treated, got cva in the ward and currently on warfarin… admitted due to vagina bleeding… kuang kuang kuang…. aduh…. diagnosis…? hypocoagulation state due to warfarin ingestion, normal menses and lastly to rule malignancy and dysfunctional uterine bleeding… pelepum pelepang pelepeng… hahahhaah additional disaster from that extravanganza case?  yup my examiner was not datuk siva, but our lovely dr sulaiha….  gosh when i got the case i was a little bit takut but not damn takut… as dr sheila said that datuk siva will come at 2 o’clock, so i know that i have time to read inside out about the warfarin thinging…. so i helped calvin, being his chaperone, and when i wanted to restart my clerking, tub tub dr sulaiha came and said u have 5 minutes more to clerk… i liked huh? but i supposed to be under datuk siva… i like gosh helped me… luckily dr sulaiha gave me another 10 minutes, mayb calvin told her that he borrowed me to be his chaperone… but since i knew that she would be my examiner… my heart beating like 110 beat per minutes… muy brain shut down… and i just finished my physical examination as much that i can… and i could remember….

tada at last it was my turn…. gosh… it was damnly terrified… at first i still could give reasons but after she asked more and more and more i like gosh am i digging my own grave or what…

her question? first of all she asked me why do u think that this woman has thromboembolism…? kuang kuang kuang… my answered… one most stupid answer dvt… however this patient had cva due to heart embolism not lung maa so that kira i started to dig my grave… but i cover it up… i said i also wanna rule out artrial fibrillation …. maybe due to hyperthyroidism… and i said i confirm it by physical examination which no sign of hyperthyroidism… so lastly i said maybe she has already heart valve disorder like rheumatic as she origines from indon maaa… untill then br she asked me something else… through the exam it liked i dig my grave deeper and crawl out sometime and sometime dig again and it continuous…

conclusion….

1… i should be more calm next time.. so then i can rearrange my presentation… thing about differential diagnose… thing about management and lastly thing about the outcome…however today i was damnly over stress my self i couldnt even think how to present my case or how to organize it.. that was really2 a disaster… i took a lot of time to reorganize which ultimately i forgot to prepare my management… so my management including investigation is upside down

secondly.. i find that the knowledge is in my brain just i have to think and think and think., put it in the correct manner and speak it .. i feel blessed to get dr sulaiha as my examiner… otherwise i dont know that i m not that stupid… it is there.. just need time to think and dont talk before think… answering a question is not for the sake of answering and if kena kenalah if not die… but answering is an effort make to relate all the knowledge and experience that we have an apply it to that patient…seriously i realy supprised how most of the question i could answer…  n i also find that personally i should think my answer firsr before i answer…

yesterday when i personally met her i still didnt understand what her comment to my performance… but today, i got an example what i m supposed to do and whAT i should not do… the very2 obvious she said i always talk before think..  i always think that i have an advantage in languistic where my idea can come just like that… so that make me think that i can do the same in medic…. but it is not like that… i should learn to think properly… as this is a fact not a fiction…

before we dissmised she said that first i did quite  well by reasoning, explaining but after that i become back to square one… my opinion..? i didnt think the second part that she asked so mulalah mengelabah and melalut… hehehehehe…. so , relax and think… heheheh

what is in my head at this moment…? instead of suicidal attempt i have something which is more interesting and can give long lasting satisfaction…. yup…. confront to some1 who always think that she or he is angelic, and always right… everything in this world happen is becoz of others… people must treat her or him superiorly… and yup i m always the victim…. i always wonder why there are milion or trilion people in this earth y should i meet her or him…

may i ask u something… if u do something bad when u were a child… like throwed tantrum… disobeyed ur parent or maybe talked with them in inappropiate tone or language… did they scold u or tell u what u did is wrong…. and u shouldnt talk in that manner or etc… u know what i learnt my lesson in a tough manner… there was no such thing anak bongsu in my family context…. first my parents would bebel first… usually i never gave it a damn… i told u right that i was very2 bad when i was small… yup i wasnt an angel of my parents’ heart… (jauh panggang) so, when first advice really been ignored by my rebellious behavior there was no second chance… yup my mom would cubit me… slapped my mouth if i said word like babi… bastard, or etc… or even cili my mouth….. my mom never slap me on my face la… of course not my cheek fault, or canned me on my buttock (my buttock cannot talk maa)…. people might think that my mom is too harsh in teaching me… but at least i learned from my mistake… and i rare2ly said all that word except… shit… itupun after i join imu… conclusion? this punishment teach me how to act… how to be in a community… is it a good manner or not… if ur parents just follow ur bontot… doesnt mean u r right… mayb they dont want to cause more trouble with u as mayb everytime they adviced u, u raised ur voice or u slammmed the door in front of them……

if u gaduh with ur siblings… tarik rambut each other (i missed this part a lot) or quirreled 24/7… what did ur parents do… ok if u r the only child… change the context to ur fren instead of siblings…. here i learned the word tolerate…. learned to say never mind let her win eventhough i m the younger one… (otherwise kena marah maa)… at first when my mom scolded me when i kept on gaduh with my sisters i always thought did my mom hate me so much? but when i grow up i know that my mom wanna me to learn the word of mengalah… heck most of the time my eldest sister alwasy mengalah with me…. however i think my mom suppose to teach me word of there is limitation for all menagalah context

i think this is second time i talk about this lame thing…. i dont know why… maybe i miss my mom and my dad…  i thought they were very fierce and strict… but i think becoz of that, make me where i stand now…

i learn a lot in my life… how to be a friend and how to make a friend… u cannot force others to like u love u… maybe people out there accept u how u act as they never know what is the real u.people always have two split personality…. have u ever ask ur parent how bad or how good are u… i never have to ask… y? sbb they tell me directly…. that my parents… when i said something bout others… my mom would say… u mayb also did something wrong… so i know… i cannot always right….

mom and dad out there…. pamperign ur child is not a good or perfect way of teaching… as they did not learn anything

my god, my soles seem like it is burning down there. it is started on monday during cp with prof chong…. actually i though it was a normal pain that i suffered since joining imu..(lot lot lot of standing hehehe) however this time it even worst…i repeatedly looked at my shoes whether it had been overused so that i felt the pain however nothing was wrong with my shoes… and i only changed it recently and didnt make sense if it is already spoilt or what… since then the pain is always there  just sometimes it is lesser especially when sit with my soles turn up but it is worst when walking, standing or at night after a lot of walking…. last night i couldnt sleep as the pain is really killing me… and as the result i felt so damn sleepy the next morning… so most of my fren diagnose me with plantar fascitis… what the hell of it? just google that phrases and u can get what the hell of this disease is all about… so basically the treatment is simple… cold ice pack or can and rolling it with the sole… and if it not working with that i have to go to the clinic for further management… so sad isnt it… pressing the clutch, accelerator or even break is really2 make me feel like dying … that y i m still here in the library waiting until the pain subsided before i can drive back home….

mcm de javu lak… mostly what happened durin sem 7 berlaku lai kat aku… masa sem 7 mula2 aku terpijak labtop aku, pastu PDA aku terhempas and hancus, and lastly aku terlanggar van kementerian kesihatan malaysia… and now… started someone hit my car, pastu PDA hp aku kena songlap, and now my labtop lak rosak… baran betul… tinggal satu jer lum berlaku, aku lulus semester 9 ahak.. amin…

actually baru balik dari melepakkan diri kat mamak ngn bebudak ni, and basically we were very worried ngn exam yang lagi beberapa minggu jer lagi… hmm masalahnya di sini terdapat internal conflict yang menyebabkan everything tertangguh… aduh pesal lak perut memulas2 ni… ni dah 3 kali gi ulang alik ke toilet… adakah kerana kfc pelik yang aku telan tengah hari tadi… aku rasa aku punya twister taste very weird tp memandangkan aku dah teramat2 lapar and kebuluran kutelan sahaja… akibatnya … nyawaku dihujung di tanduk… kuang kuang kuang…

hmmmm teringat lak kejadian di mn omani2 (baca elok2 omani bukan onani… ) yang mcm bangang menyebabkan aku terpaksa membawa kereta kancil 850 aku yang manual tu memanjat bukit putus… kalo diorang tak menggatal kata nak ikut semalam mesti kitorang just menyumbatkan diri kat keta poh koon jer.. n paling tensen when called those guys they actually baru bangun tidur.. and planned not to come with us.. belacan betul mereka ni… kata tak dikota… and takkan tak terfikir perbuatan mereka ni menyusahkan kami2 ni… masalahnya kalo aku bawa auto tak ler bengang sangat… ni manual… dok nak tukar gear…

aduh.. pewut ku makin memulas2…. perlukah aku menyaman kfc? and mataku dah nak meletup mengantuk…

adios then

hmmm macam exagerate lak kan… but that what i felt when the ceiling lamp’s cover felt in front of me… while pre-occupied in the class listening to dr James who was talking about antibiotic during our tbl suddenly i saw something like flash and a big thing felt from the ceiling…. it hit my table and felt on the floor… seriously, luckly it didnt hit anyone from three of us who sat at that corner (poh kun dr james and i)… Dr James as usually responsed as calm as normal while me? as usually startled till halfly dead… hahaha….. he even made a joke while removed the cover to the opposite corner of the room…, he said, “relax you dont have to be traumatized as the worst tt could happen if it hits us is we end up with concussion”… kuih kuih kuih… absolutely true… but i think i should add some complication for that incident…. AMI for huzaifah Hussin…. hahahhaha…… what ever pun still feel really thankfull to Allah as still giving me a chance to stay alive and blogging some more…. hahhahaha

sudah kubilang pasti ada hati2 yang bakal terguris dengan tindak-tanduk sahabatku yang seorang ini… mendirikan rumah tangga memang menjadi tuntutan Islam, tetapi yang palling utama akad dan hebahnya… mengelakkan berlakunya fitnah dikemudian hari…. namun kegelojohan sahabatku disamping kekangan masa dan masalah kesihatan bonda tercinta buat mereka terlupa sehingga seolah2 membelakangkan orang2 tua yang menjadi ahli keluarga mereka sejak bermastautin di penempatan itu…. menyesal rasanya hati kerana tidak menimbangkan terlebih dahulu akan masalah yang akan mengundang apabila menghubungi ayahanda di kampung… mungkin bagi orang di luar sana mengapa perlu kami menjaga tepi kain orang lain… tetapi, pabila aku mendengar suara kekecewaan ayah, hatiku mengerti, betapa ayah menyayangi rakan2 yang membesar bersama2ku seperti anak kandungnya… terguris hati tua itu… sekurang2nya layangkanlah kad jemputan tanda hormat ke rumah, tanda hormat dan bukti adat ketimuran… malah bukankah itu juga satu hebah?… entah lah buat pembaca yang setia… perkahwinan itu bukan suatu perkara yang mudah yang boleh diambil enteng.. setiap s)udut perlu diperinci… bukan semestinya sempurna tetapi cukuplah jika ia memenuhi syarat… bukan majlis gilang gemilang bersama aluan kompang menjadi ukuran… tapi penghebahan maklumat yang cuba disampaikan… penyatuan merpati dua sejoli dalam ikatan suci itulah yang perlu disampaikan….(sampai bilakah aku akan terus menerus bersastera…. layan jelaaaa

this is my third attempts nk write post…. geram tul asyik terdelete…. ter mean accidentally… tp x leh nk undo… sabar je la den…. dengan nyawa dah hujung tanduk..(bdn nk demam lg) namun kugagahkan jua jari jemariku mengetuk satu persatu abjad di papan kekunci (keyboard ler tu) komputer ribaku…. sesekali jariku sempat menenyeh2 semut2 kecil yang telah membina sarang di sudut kecil komputerku setelah seminggu kutinggalkan di dalam bilik sepulangnya aku di kampung…..(mati kau semut…nyeh nyeh)…. sesekali konsentrasiku terganggu dek suara dari corong radio milik pengawal keselamatan yang menjaga keselamatan rumah jiranku di tingkat satu….(hmm berkali2 sebenarnya).. ringan saja mulut ni untuk memarahi pakcik tersebut tetapi adat ketimuran yang ditanam subur di dalam diriku sejak kecil menghalang dari aku bertindak di luar kewarasan.. sambil menanti kesan ubat paracetamol yang kumakan mula menguasai diri, aku mencari2 idea untuk meneruskan karya pendek ku untuk ku kirimkan di laman blogku…. (pe kah yang telah kusebutkan?)…. idea yang mencurah2 sebelum senja berlabuh kini kering bagaikan padang sahara yang kering kontang….(CAKAP JELA X DER IDEA..) adakah perlu kuceritakan tentang kawanku merangkap jiranku yang bakal melangsungkan perkahwinan pada 6/6/2009 tanpa memberitahu jiran2 di pihak lelaki….(agak laaaa) perlukah aku meluahkan kekesalanku terhadap dirinya yang membelakangkan kami semua yang umpama keluarga selama ini? (sob sob sob) entahlah…mungkin dia berpendapat kami hanyallah cengekerik malam yang menemani bulan ketika malam..(nasib baik bukan burung hantu)..ada atau tiadanya tubuh kecil kami, bulan tetap menghiasi malam yang indah…  tidak betah bagiku menceritakan hal orang secara terang2 terangan malah bakal dibaca oleh orang lain yang melayari laman blogku.. mungkin akan mengundang desas desus yang kurang enak… kuhanya mendoakan kebahagiaan mereka berdua…namun jauh di sudut lubuk hatiku, aku berharap dia menyedari kelancangan perbuatannya yang mungkin saja merobek hati orang2 yang lebih tua di petempatan kami…(ayah ku yang tua itu sudah tentu). orang2 tua itu bukan ingin benar datng menghabiskan sajian enak nasi minyak yang menyelerakan di hari kamu ditabalkan menjadi raja sehari, namun mereka cuma mahu dihormati dan bersama meraikan ahli keluarga baru…..(ntah ayah aku masak lg kick tau!!!1) ah…. persetankan dengan hal mereka…. lagipun kepalaku sudah mula berdenyut2  apatah lagi dengan bahasa2 indah yang sudah berkurun lama tidak menjadi permainan penaku…(x guna pen dah)

so guys…. layan…..